Holy Shit. It's really freaking hard. 
The initial hurdle to this project may surprise you. Apparently, under the 'hood' of all these 'browser games,' even the ones about dating Anime girls, there is a roiling puke-bucket of hideous numbers, of 'variables' and 'loops'; of forsaken 'if's and 'else's wandering like fairy-tale children in a dark wood of numerology. There's goddamn ALGEBRA in there. The next problem to quickly materialize was the simple fact I don't really like playing games. Even worse, I had decided early on to make a platform game, and I REALLY don't like playing those. I've always sucked at them, you see. And since I was not only the programmer but also the only play-tester, this dragged the process out to an unbearable degree. A weird cleavage formed in my mind, as my game-playing self drew away from the sinister sicko sadist that was my game-making self. Over the course of the development process, my consciousness cleaved into two distinct personalities. The gamer-side was named 'Francis.' The programmer-side referred to himself as 'Testicular Von Shitler', though that was eventually shortened to 'Titter.' 
Anyway, long story short, this culminated in a massive battle of wills, and an epic battle with myself in a junkyard. But that is a tale for my memoirs, not for a blog post. You don't just dish out that kind of juicy shit for FREE, for Christ's sake. The fruit of all this – the game in question – this I do indeed give to you, my friend. Just know as you pluck your ten seconds of diversion from it (before declaring it TOO HARD, that's what she said, har har, fart), that what went into its creation was a sacrifice so huge, fueled by a dedication so unflinching, and culminating in a naked junkyard one-man brawl so awkward, that no matter how trivial the game may seem to you on the surface, what lies beneath its colorful shapes and silly sounds is nothing more than The Human Experience Boiled Down into its Essence. Life, Death, and All That Bullshit. Everything. It's about lawn care. And picking up shit. Thank you. 
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We Were Once Like You, Until We Saw The Great Beast Playing Patty-Cake With God This Site is Copyright Mikey Houser 2001-2008 |
Comments on game
Hi - long time viewer, first time poster. I really enjoyed the game. It has the same darkly humorous feel as your cartoons, so that was pretty great. I breezed through the first 3/4 of the game, but the last few levels were really challenging (finally beat it!). I think the only glitch I've found is that the boss doesn't typically penalize you for missing poop, only for missing lawn clippings. I've had a few levels in which I've definitely missed a poo or two and still gotten "perfect". Also, how does one "undo" a shitty level? I got a "shitty" on level 4, went back to get a perfect, and it was still listed as shitty. And I guess that this isn't really a glitch, but I've found that the way to get past some obstacles is to getting a running jump, kill Louie off, so that his corpse materializes in a better location.
Are you planning on submitting this to newgrounds or other such sites?
Wow, you are absolutely
Wow, you are absolutely correct -- I managed to screw up the scoring system for the umpteenth time. Thank you for noticing! I'll fix that this evening, yes. The 'unchangeable Shitty' seems tied into that glitch as well.
Damnable glitches! Accursed misplaced parentheses!
The game is in fact on Newgrounds right now, though it's not going through the roof or anything. I intend to spread it around in the next couple of days, so again, gracias for uncovering what I missed in the haze of ten billion hours of playtesting. And also: I vowed that if anyone mentioned that they had played through the whole game, I would add a bit more exciting of an ending to it. So now I HAVE TO DO THAT TOO.
And yes, if you're willing to sacrifice a few Louie's or beers, you can get a step ahead or back to a high point you missed something on. Seems a reasonable trade-off. AND - if you get through a level with all nine beers intact, you start the next level with a bonus beer.
Thank you, formerly silent fan-person, for your kind words and keen eye!
(P.S. As is often the case with this site, clearing your browser cache may reveal that I've been up late madly updating things and righting wrongs. I'm Batman.)
looks great!
Looks great! Can't wait to see what you've come up with. I'm a programmer too, by profession, though my code is of the tangly noodle variety and difficult to wade through. But if you need assistance code-wise, send a shout and maybe I can help. Or I could send you my java code for something similar to what you've come up with here.
It's been a year or more since I've been here. What happened to your "normal" message board? Or are we confined to posting replies to your messages, thus instigating hijack threads of mass insanity?
Hey Draxxar, how's it going
Hey Draxxar, how's it going there?
I bonered the link yesterday, but now it's fixed -- the game is done, so please check it out! It's a platform game, basically, because I initially thought, "Oh, well that should be easy, there's a shitload of THOSE." And with that thought I once again plunged myself into the abyss of mistaken notions. Just because something is 'silly' does not mean it is 'easy'(I'm going to have that tattooed backwards on my chest). Also, I decided that it would be funny to make the whole thing from scratch, and NOT utilize the many helpful actionscript tools available these days. HA HA!!! AND additionally, since I couldn't remember seeing too many fast scrolling flash games (that weren't procedurally generated), I decided to fill the void, not considering there might be a reason there's not many fast scrolling flash games. But Holy Diver, somehow I finished it. And it is profoundly silly.
I apologize a thousand times about the message board being locked-down. Going on spam purges is about the most tedious unfun thing in the world for a singular fellow like myself. It's not even fun when I'm drunk. So for now I'm keeping it that way, though that may change in the near future. Please continue to berate me and hijack message threads on the front page in the meantime!
If you want to talk coding sometime, that would be lovely, but know I am a rank amateur. I'll tell you, though -- the code for that game contains some amazing hackery! What I did to get it to run fast is downright sinful!